Keeping it Real

Man, you can tell this guy’s going to try to talk to her from a mile away. There’s a Latina woman sitting directly across from me and as soon as the main train doors open, homeboy’s eyes immediate dials in on her. I doubt blame him though, ella es muy hermosa. He’s straightening his cap and licking his lips a la L.L. Cool J. Let’s see if his game is tight.

He sits down right next to her and immediately begins to visually molest her. Still licking his lips, he begins to work his magic.

“Hey mami? How you doing? What’s up for the night?

Clearly a veteran of traveling the T and having strange 40 something year old, still dressing like he’s 16 , hitting on her, she politely but curtly answers his question.

“I’m fine thanks, just going to visit some friends”

“That’s good, that’s good. Well can I be your friend?” Man, this guy’s just going straight for the kill. Fuck, he hasn’t even asked for her name yet.

“No, I’m all set thank you.”

“Ah, come on mami, wouldn’t you like a friend that will take you out to eat, treat you right?”

“I have that, thank you.”

“Well, you never meet a friend like me, I’m like that genie from the Aladdin movie.”

Wow, I’ve never heard a Disney movie reference used to holler at a woman before. After a brief moment of silence, he decides to just skip the pleasantries and get down to business.

“Look mami, I’m gonna be real with you. I just want to suck on your long titties, you know.”

My jaw drops. Did this guy just say that? “Suck on your long titties?” In what universe has that line every worked? Her face had a look of complete disgusted.

“What the fuck? Who the fuck says that kind of shit? Would you talk to your mother like that?”

“But yo, I’m just being real. Bitches always complaining motherfucking ain’t keeping it real and being honest, so what’s up? Don’t you want a man that’s honest about what he wants?

Well, he does have a point but unless this is a porn scene where the ladies ARE PAID to be there. I’m not sure if “I want to suck on your titties” works in public between strangers.

“Now, you called me a bitch and claiming you wanna fuck me? “ she says in utter disbelief.

“Hell, yeah. I’m the realest”

“Fuck you” she says. She exits the train doors open. I’m not sure if that was her stop, but I’m sure she wanted to get away from Mr. Tittie-Sucker over here. As the door slams, he turns to me, semi pleading his case. “Yo man, that’s why I can’t stand bitches yo. You tell them you wanna give them the dick and bitch trips. She just ain’t ready for a real motherfucker like myself. Can’t handle the truth, you know.”

I guess so my friend. I guess so.