P**&Y got ya hooked

One of my less favorite aspects of concierge work is unwittingly being involved in dealing with personal relationships. When you notice that a couple is having issues, you oftentimes end up as an unofficial referee between the two (or more) individuals. Generally speaking, it’s treacherous territory and usually building management wants nothing to do with it.

One evening, a man comes and says he’s here to visit a woman. I call up but she doesn’t answer the phone. Since another person is also listed as a contact, I give him a call. As soon as I tell him that Rafael is here to visit, the situation starts going sideways.

“Who??? Rafael?? Oh no. Please, man, please don’t let that guy up. He’s been fucking my wife. God I thought this was over. I can’t believe that lying bitch. Don’t let that motherfucker up. I’m on my way home NOW!!”

Shit, this is not what I wanted. I tell Rafael what the husband says. He laughs, pulls out his phone and calls upstairs. After telling someone he’s downstairs but the concierge won’t let him up, he hangs up his phone. A call comes through seconds later.


“Hey, this is Daniella, can you please let Rafael up? Thank you.”

“Uh, well I ended up calling your husband because you didn’t answer and he knows Rafael is here. He said NOT to let him up. He also said he’s on his way home.”

“Oh please, Dan knows he can’t do anything. We already had the police over one time and as they told him, since my name is also on the lease, I can have over anybody that I damn well please. You know what, I’m coming down.”

“Uh, Ok”

I hang up the phone and let Rafael know she’s coming down. He nods and smiles. After a minute, she comes down in a nightgown and heads to the desk. She asks for the spare key to her apartment. I give it to her. She smiles, grabs Rafael hand and heads back up upstairs. Man, this lady doesn’t give a fuck. She’s clearly a veteran of this game.

After about ten minutes, her husband shows up. He immediately comes to the desk and asks for the spare key.

“Your wife took it.”

“What? Your fucking gave it to her? Why?”

“She’s on the lease, and by law we have to allow her to have it if she asks.”

He places his head in his hands and sighs pathetically. The sign of defeat I would say.

“Did they go upstairs together?”

I nod yes. I couldn’t actually mouthed the words. This guy’s face looked like a truck had hit him.

“Fuck man, you don’t understand. I work all day and this fucking bitch is fucking this goddamn motherfucker all the fucking time.”

He sighs again and begins to weep into his hands. At this point, all I can do is listen and pray this guy doesn’t go berzerk. He then heads upstairs to his apartment. I call the Shack to let them know we might be calling the police soon.

“Really, man. His wife has some other guy upstairs and the husband just got home. Damnnnnn.”

We send a security officer to discreetly survey the scene and prepare for the worst.

The guard returns to the my desk, laughing and shaking his head.

“Man, I went onto the floor below and took the stairwell up so not to raise suspicion. I can here the guy crying in front of his door. He likes “Fiona, I love you, why are you doing this to me.” I swear I can hear the front door banging in rhythm. They might be fucking at the front door and this dude can hear everything. What a fucking bitch. I’mma go back up and see what’s happening.”

As he says that, we see the guy come off the elevator. He was the sorriest looking man I’d ever seen. He didn’t even look up. A pile of bricks could have hit this guy and he probably wouldn’t have felt it. That’s how much pain you could see on his face. He walks off into the night somewhere. I just hope he doesn’t come back with an AK or something.

For the reminder of the night, I keep watch for the guy, but he never returns. At 6:30, Rafael and the guy’s wife come downstairs. They’re holding heads and ask if I want a coffee. I tell them no. She then asks about her husband.

“Did Dan look like shit walking outta here last night?”

I nod yes.

“Good, motherfucker always at work knowing this pussy needs to be taken care of. Thank God for Rafael.”

She hands me back the spare key.

“If you see him before you leave, let him know the key’s back and he can go upstairs.”

I nod yes. As I place the key back in the box, I overheard Rafael ask her something to which she replies

”He loves me too much. I’ll just tell him I’m sorry, fuck him (she shudders while saying that) and everything will be alright. Dan’s a bitch. He’s addicted to me. He can’t stay away. I’ve been doing this for years”

Damn, Pussy got you hooked.